Tomorrow, at 1:38 am, I will be 26 years of age. So my sentimental ass has been thinking back over all that time, and decided to share some of the things I’ve learned over that span of time.
Some of these things will be funny, some will be witchcraft related, some will be general life stuff, some will be specific to me. It’s a big ol’ grab bag of knowledge.
Get ya a cup of coffee, get comfy, and read on. You are more than welcome to laugh at me and my hard-headed-ness, or laugh from a place of recognition.
01. Do Whatever The Fuck You Want (As Long As You’re Not Hurting Anyone).
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house where the adults in charge of me let me be truly, authentically me. This means one day, at the age of about 4 or 5, I decided I really needed to put honey in my mashed potatoes. So Mamaw let me put honey in my mashed potatoes. And you know what? That shit was delicious! Follow your crazy whims. Do whatever. You may discover something cool.
02. I Run On Spite
My mother was a genius at getting us kids to eat our veggies. I also went to a private Christian school for two years (from ages 5-7), where we’d eat “family style” (you dish up your own servings) at lunch.
So when one of my favorite vegetables (spinach) was being served for lunch one day, I dished myself up a hearty portion of it with an almost frightening amount of excitement. Just as I’m about to dig in, some teacher’s aide I’d never met before came out of nowhere to ask me, “Are you sure you’re going to eat all that?”, in a tone I read as snotty.
I ate all that spinach right in front of her and then dished up a second portion twice as large and ate that, too.
I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle, because my P.E. teacher (whom I hated) promised me I would regret not learning someday.
I still don’t regret it.
03. The Dead Don’t Leave
You’ll have your own beliefs on this one, just depending upon what your personal spiritual paradigm is, but I’ve experienced enough incidents to believe they stick around for a while, and pop in now and again to check up on their loved ones. And I like that. It gives me the warm fuzzies.
04. Spirit Work Is Hilariously Stupid Sometimes
I have enough wards up to keep truly malicious stuff out of my shit, but I’m something like a magnate for trickster spirits. My amethyst is gone. I’ve looked for it, it’s nowhere to be found. A few years ago, I had a birthday check from Mamaw disappear only to reappear months and months later in a spot I know I didn’t put it in. Something stole my candy bar once.
Is it annoying? Yes. Do I find it just entertaining enough to not even try to prevent it? Also yes.
05. Embrace The Nonsense
Not just the type of nonsensical stuff detailed in #4, but the stuff that doesn’t make sense in the larger scheme of things. Not everything happens for a reason. Not everything has meaning. We tend to see ourselves as the protagonist of our own stories, but our stories are always constantly seeping into the stories of others. And vise versa. Sometimes someone else’s plot point happens in the background shot of your story and it ain’t got shit to do with your narrative. And that’s fine.
Nine times out of ten, if a grown ass human is talking about their haters in a non-ironic way, you should back away slowly. These are largely the same people who claim to hate drama, yet always seem to be in the center of it. By “haters”, they actually mean “people who try to hold me accountable for my shitty behavior”. Avoid these people.
On the subject of people needlessly throwing negativity at you, that is a real problem. I don’t mean for my diatribe against people who complain about haters to sound like I don’t think people won’t hate on you for some stupid shit won’t happen ever and it’s actually all your fault. Because that does happen. People can be seriously petty.
My advice? Activate Rihanna!mode.
08. Things Shift In Transit
Life is a journey and things shift in transit. You’re going to lose pieces of yourself along the way and that’s fine–a lot of it will be things you no longer need, that no longer serve you. Let them be memories.
09. Some People Change…
…and others do not. If you have a friend that’s still around from years ago who is the same person they were when you were both 16, and you’re, y’know…actually grown, it is 100% okay to part ways with that person. If they no longer make sense in your life and the only reason you keep them around is you’ve known them for x-amount of years, you are doing both of you a disservice by trying to hang on to them.
Let it go. There’s always the possibility y’all can reconnect years down the road when you’re both on the same emotional maturity level.
10. Parents Are Just Humans
When we’re young, we tend to see our parents as some sort of demigods. They’re obviously not.
I have a ridiculously wonderful relationship with my mom. She’s one of my best friends. I thought she hung the stars and moon just for me, when I was little. I hit my teenage years, and things got a little bit rocky, as they tend to do. There’s very little about authority figures that make sense to you when you’re in the middle of battling puberty. Hell, she still makes choices that confuse the hell out of me.
My relationship with her really started to become better and healthier when I realized she’s just a human, and she does human shit. And it’s fine. She’s on her own path, just the same as I am.
Conversely, I don’t speak to my biological father because…he too is just a human. And sometimes humans can be sub-par in their behavior and the way they think. And I’ve just gotta let him go be a human and try to figure his own human shit out on his own, and it doesn’t have to do fuck all with me personally.
Who knows. Maybe we can be cool a few years down the road.
My fingernails are a part of me in every sense of the phrase. Not only are they a part of my physical body, they’re a major aspect of my personality. When I have to cut them, I feel gross and vulnerable. I have to be okay with this fact.
Your actions have consequences. You are accountable for those actions. Yes, even when you chose those actions because your mental illness was acting up big time. Time doesn’t just stop because you’re depressed–no matter how it feels.
13. Just Because It’s Not Your Fault, Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Your Responsibility
It is not your fault if you have a mental illness. It is not your fault if you’ve been treated poorly. It’s not even your fault if you’re bad with money if the adults in your life never showed you how to handle it. It’s not your fault if you don’t know how to cook and clean because your parents never taught you (looking at you, males everywhere).
But at a certain point, if this thing that is not your fault (and the way it causes you to react to certain things/situations) starts to effect those around you or your own life in a negative way, you need to deal with it. Point blank. Just because you didn’t ask for this baggage doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility to get that shit out of the way so other people aren’t getting tripped up on it and twisting their ankles.
14. One Bad Apple…
If you’re a part of a group (any group) that constantly gets judged unfairly, it is not on you to change the way you act in order for them to treat you with the base amount of respect, or deem you socially acceptable. Period. The end. They’re the ones willing to judge a whole group of people based on the actions of ONE of that group’s members. The change in perspective is the responsibility of person viewing a complex issue through the lens of a myopic Cyclopes with glaucoma.
15. World Peace Is A Lie
People are always gonna hate other people. I just want to get to the point where the majority of people don’t hate their neighbor Gary because Gary is black or gay or black and gay. But because Gary insists on playing the Bee Gee’s greatest hits at 4am every Tuesday morning.
I just want us all to hate each other on a personal level, is all I’m saying.
16. Sick, Sad World
Make a weekly inner child play date, ffs. Do the shit that would make 8 year old you light up in delight. For me, this is largely 90s nostalgia driven. I dress in chokers and Nanny Fine skirts and watch so much Daria. So much Daria.
17. Every Man & Woman Is A Star
We’re all made out of the same star junk. My spirituality is centered on the worship of a personification of the Universe, which is also made up of that same star junk. We are one with the divine. Everyone is the deity of their own path, and every path is different. We are all divine. We are all going through some shit.
This can often times be very hard to remember. But I’m trying.
18. Creatrix At The Crossroads
I lost myself for a while, but I am slowly returning to me. I’m sure I’m not alone. You can rediscover yourself, too. It takes time, but I believe in you.
19. It Is What It Is Til It Ain’t
Things can change in a split second. Take a moment to mourn the end of things when you can, but don’t get mired down in what was. Focus instead on what is now.
20. A Million Ways To Question Authority
Clearly, I have issues with authority (see #2). I don’t like being told what to feel or think or believe. But there are beliefs we all have that were planted in our minds by people in charge of us (parents or guardians) without them or us even knowing it. We take cues on how to view our bodies by seeing/hearing how they view theirs. Same with our attitudes towards money, love, etc.
Take a look at your beliefs. Are they totally yours? Do you want to keep believing them? You have the choice.
21. All Dichotomies Are False Dichotomies
Male and female are not enough. There’s a lot of middle ground and outer ground. There are entities made of energy that can identify themselves as male or female. But there is no male or female energy. The Emerald Tablet lied to you.
Belief can be a tool. Try believing something you personally think is ridiculous bunk. Try to believe it for a few minutes. Then 30. Then a whole day. See what happens.
23. Speaking Of Belief
Anything you read on my blog? I believe. But mine is a skeptical belief. I believe and disbelieve these things in equal measure. Belief and disbelief can exist in the same space at the same time. It doesn’t have to be a struggle between the two.
24. Aim Is Crucial
Most of us went through an ~Edge Lord~ phase during puberty. A lot of people continue that mindset well into adulthood, and call it “comedy”. They see themselves as railing against “The Man” or “The System”, using their “humor” as a weapon. What they don’t realize is their aim is off. The people and ideas they use as punchlines are the ones The Man and The System continually shit on. They’re doing the exact opposite of what they claim to intend.
25. Oracular Spectacular
I wholly believe artists are capable of accidentally tripping and falling into the realm of ‘other’–wherever it is all knowledge of the future is stored. Some call that the Akashic Records. The Astral. Wherever it is, letting your creative mind go and explore can sometimes dredge up things we’ve not yet discovered. And it can be Funky.
26. The Source May Matter, But It’s Ultimately Inconsequential
I don’t know how magic works. I don’t know how the tarot works. And I don’t need to know in order to get results. If you’ve been hesitant to jump into witchcraft or whatever because you want to understand or know-for-fact…you may be waiting forever. Ask yourself if you really need to know before you try. Or try and apply the scientific method to your practice. Some of us have hunches. Some of us have beliefs. None of us know 100% for certain.
In that regard, I’ll leave you with my favorite quote ever: “Perceive first, believe later.” –Victor Anderson
And that’s it for now! What are some of your biggest life lessons? Was anything in this post helpful for you? Hit me up in the comments and let me know!