In 25 days, I will be 26 years old.
I’m approaching this birthday after two months of a near constant shit-storm. We had everything from a washing machine break, to my mom’s boss selling the company without warning (so she may not have that job soon), Mamaw’s health problems (she’s much better now!), and yesterday, my dad had dental surgery for an infection in his tooth that could have killed him easily.
But through all of this, I learned something very important.
But First, Back Story:
So here’s something you may not know about me: For roughly six years, I was basically a shut-in.
When I was 12, we moved from Florida to Kentucky. It was a rough time financially, but the relocation gave me the space in which to explore my Self, and figure some things out. I was going to go to college and become a journalist, an author. This was the when and where that helped me build the basis of my identity.
Then, at the age of 16, we had to move back to Florida. Around this time, a series of things happened that broke me down completely (the move itself being one of them).
Once back in Florida, I started dealing with anxiety issues, a deep depression (I’d been depressed pretty much my whole life, but this was ridiculous in its depth). I dropped out of high school because of a family emergency. I had no diploma, no job. I started leaving the house less and less.
And before you know it, I’d cut myself off from the rest of the world.
Things started changing for me about two years ago. Through working on myself, my anxiety lessened, my depression wasn’t nearly as bad. But somewhere along the way, I convinced myself the only thing I was good at was taking care of housework, and that my family’s home wouldn’t run as smoothly without me. I thought I was destined to live solely for my family because I could do or handle anything else.
Yeah, turns out that was all bullshit. The seeds you sow in your fear produce toxic fruits, yo.
What I learned from all of this is that I can handle so much more than I ever gave myself credit for. And know that is so, so important.
Operation(s) Self Care & New Life
I came back from Mamaw’s last Tuesday and have spent much of that time working on #SC4SW and cleaning the absolute hell out of my room.
I’ve made a mood board for my self care moving into my birth month.
featuring images from cwote.co, outdoortheme.com, @thebabecollective,
@thehoodwitch, and @gypsyarts.
As soon as I’m feeling emotionally and spiritually steady enough, I will begin Operation New life, which I’ll tell y’all more about later.
These are exciting times, y’all.