Today is a very full day.
- The day before Thanksgiving with the family.
- The day before my first Black Friday sale goes live.
- A full moon in Taurus.
I woke at 5:30 am and brewed my morning’s first cup of coffee and waited to wake up before truly starting my day. While waiting for the caffeine to kick in and work its magic, I went in search of a tarot spread that would be appropriate today.
Two thirds of the way through my first cup and with the sun creeping up over the horizon, I was ready to start my day.
A Magical Morning
I had a bit of magic to do this morning, and as it dealt with candle burning, I decided to make it my top priority.
After all that, I went ahead and did the candle spell I had planned out. More on that at a later date.
The Tarot Reading
With all that taken care of, I was ready for some guidance. Wanting a straightforward, no bullshit reading, I grabbed my Housewife’s Tarot and got to shufflin’.
My deck, apparently, thought an Earthy moon requires some Earthy advice. Three of Pents and the Chariot. At first glance, it was clear that this was my very emotional desire for balance and change (The Chariot, Cancer, Water), tempered with the slow, sage wisdom of Earth (Nine of Pents, Queen of Pents, and King of Pents).
Something I found funny about this reading was a nugget of advice given to me by the King up there. Last night, while balancing on the knife’s edge between sleep and wakefulness, I had a very sudden epiphany. The kind of realization that wakes you up immediately to say, “Well, goddamn it”, aloud to no one in particular.
I previously discussed in my last blog post my guilt over buying myself things. When I first started charging for readings, it was a very casual endeavor started on my fandom blog (the place online I was spending the most time). It was fun, rewarding, and I made a bit of coin. Enough coin that I paid for my family’s groceries for the week. That felt great!
A week or so ago, I bought myself a tube of lipstick. I had to convince myself this was okay. It was meant to be a reward for all the hard work I’ve been putting in to my store. Even as a reward, it didn’t feel as good as buying those groceries did. I’m trying, but it’s still a struggle.
The thing about that lipstick, though, was I’d been contemplating treating myself for a while. When I finally put that order in (ironically at Impulse Cosmetics), my desire to just go ahead and buy something had reached a boiling point.
My desire to save money and my desire to reward myself for my hard work was warring inside me and I caved. And I felt guilty for caving.
The lightning-flash epiphany that hit me last night was this: Treat this type of thing like I think dieting ought to be treated.
I watched family members dieting too many times to count throughout my life. And I’ve noticed a pattern. Whether it was a diet to lose weight or just to try to eat in a more healthy manner, trying to totally deny a craving will get you in deep shit every, single, time.
I’ve watched my mother deny her cake cravings so many times, and with such vehemence, when she finally did cave, she caved BIG TIME. Instead of just allowing herself a modest slice of cake when she wanted it, she’d cave after about a month and eat her weight in chocolate.
Just eat the fucking cake.
“Yes, save your money, of course,” The King spoke, “But if you continue to deny yourself treats from time to time, you’re going to inevitably make some bad decisions, and then beat yourself up over them.”
…I wait for my candle to burn down. I think Quakoralina for her help, her love, her wisdom. I move forward better understanding my hangups with money and how better to combat them.
And I tuck in to a delicious breakfast of cheesy, peppery grits and my second cup of coffee.